What are you doing? This is super cringe brother, get a fucking grip. My bad, I’m going through something right now, I feel like many people and it is not good; just give me a minute to tighten it back up.
I failed in a few ways today, starting with my alarm going off at 5am. I woke up and allowed the dumb bitch voice in my head to clutch the comfort of sleep for a little longer with whatever excuse it had, fuck you bud. I missed my morning workout. Second failure was stopping at a wawa today and getting a soft pretzel, I need to stop doing that, I’m weak for soft pretzels, working on it. Aside from that I did manage to get a sick back day today that gave me a pump that I enjoyed viewing for the time, overall it was a great gym session so I feel a little less horrible about this morning. I also changed my hair style today and actually felt good about it, kind of felt a little like a handsome young man for a minute so that was cool.
I am cooped up in my room whenever I am home and it is not nice. I need to be in here to study, which I will promptly begin after publishing this. However, I am also in here to hide from what is not as much in here, making me feel more forced to be in here which I do not enjoy. I have felt a massively uncharacteristic amount of rage in frequent episodes today, keeping them all internal though because I am not a 5 year old with no self control. But I fantasized multiple times on the road today of not applying the brake and accelerating into something, just emotion turmoil inside trying to purge itself out of me, it’ll probably pass. That or I will just explode, whichever comes first.
I have to get to work earlier than usual tomorrow, so in order to get my morning workout in this time I will have to be up around 4am. It is going to take a lot of will power, but I would love to be able to write that I did it here tomorrow, lets see if my dumb bitch internal monologue will bitch enough to keep us in bed, or if it will get out-bitched by the one that wants the best for us. ’til then, Bye.
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